Thomas R. Dilley

If you knew my dad then you’ve heard him say, “not to put too fine of a point on it…” a few hundred times, followed by something deeply profound or a witty joke with his gut-busting humor. So, when he asked for me to do the honor of writing his obituary all I could think was… “not to put too fine of a point on it, but there’s no possible way an obituary that reads like a resume will do the faintest justice for capturing my dad’s unparalleled spirit and zest.” Before I begin, can we first just laugh at the fact that my father, a published author and known by his friends to be quite the wordsmith, asked his dyslexic daughter to write his life’s tribute? Maybe it’s because he knows I am just about as long-winded as he was, and he would be assured to have every detail covered. Maybe this was just one of the many ways my dad, over my lifetime, showed me just how much he believed in me. I am fine with either motive. 

To get the normal stuff out of the way, my father, Thomas R. Dilley escaped the mortal realm on Monday, September 26, 2022 at Blodgett Hospital at the golden age of 69. Doctors say this was due to complications from a fearless battle with diabetes, but those who loved him know it was to escape this place before the next presidential primary candidates are announced. He was preceded in death by his parents, Robert and Frances Dilley and his parents-in-law, Charles and Loretta Cooper. He is survived by his deeply devoted wife of 40 years, Debra Dilley, and daughter Sarah Dilley. Sisters, Kathryn Dilley and Diane (Jeff) Scarpelli. Sister-in-law and Brother-in-Law, Carol (Paul) LaPorte, brother-in-law John (Toni) Cooper, and cousins Fred (Beth) Dilley, and Marcia (Peter) Allen, along with many cousins, nieces and nephews, and friends. Tom was also preceded in death by his dear pug, Cosmo, and grand-pugs Herbert and Wilbur.

My dad attended Ottawa Hills High School, then making his way to the University of Michigan, graduating with a degree in Pre-Modern Asian History (of all things) and a minor in The Arts of Peppermint Schnapps. Thankfully for my mother and I, he finished his law degree at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and thereafter started as a fourth generation Dilley lawyer, practicing law with family at Dilley & Dilley then later Dilley, Kooistra, Goller & Reens, for 35 years until his retirement in 2015. Some might think this would be his proudest career achievement, but those unfortunately never met “Tom The Tomb Raider”.

He was a member of the Grand Rapids Historical Commission, a member of the Board of Trustees of the Grand Rapids Historical Society and a member and chairman of Grand Rapids Public Library Foundation. He sat on the Board of Trustees for the Grand Rapids Public Museum, and was a chairman of the GR Public Museum Collections Committee, where as he put it, “serving as the chair of the collections committee was one of my greatest joys, you know why? …because you get to touch things!”. Tom was known for having the largest collection of Grand Rapids vintage postcards and memorabilia. He donated this collection for the enjoyment of all, and can be found at the GR Public Library most likely under my name since he had me use it as a tax write-off (thanks Dad). In addition to being the go-to guy for everything Grand Rapids, my father authored 4 books on Grand Rapids History: Grand Rapids in Vintage Postcards 1890 - 1940; Grand Rapids Community and Industry; Grand Rapids in Stereographs 1860 – 1900. His proudest of publications was his last book, published by Wayne State titled “The Art of Memory: Historic Cemeteries of Grand Rapids Michigan.”  These achievements landed him his leading role as “Tom The Tomb Raider”, as I fondly called him, where he guided lectured cemetery walks through historic cemeteries in Grand Rapids. He led these tours for many years, they grew so large he even had to have some poor guy follow him around with a mic and speaker so the hundreds of people could hear him in the back. We know the culmination of this was his proudest life’s achievement since he did all of this free of charge. All his books can be found and picked up at most any bookstore or library, if you feel inclined to see and celebrate Grand Rapids the way my dad hoped people would. We won’t make much off the royalties, for being a master of negotiation in the courtroom, he should also go down for truly negotiating the world’s worst royalty percentage contract. Despite mild outrage and wanting to commercialize his talents into a somewhat lucrative venture by both his dear friend Dick Spruit and me, my dad wouldn’t have it any other way. He wanted to help preserve and celebrate the history of his community for the enjoyment of all without a price tag.

My dad was larger than life, known for his trademark cigar and bowtie. He was a raconteur of the first degree, always had a good story to tell, an extraordinary vocabulary and loved using it. He loved baking, gardening, architecture, road trips with my mother and their pug Cosmo, vacations up north and to California, a good book and a glass of cabernet. He has been described by his family and friends as a schmoozer, loquacious, magnanimous, charming, charismatic, thoughtful, cheerful, inquisitive, a prankster, witty, generous, ruthless (in court), erudite, curious, inquiring, scholarly, endlessly amusing, and a character who above all else was annoyingly wonderful. Many will live on to emulate his kindness and eloquence.

He lived such a passionate, ambition-filled, accomplished life which was celebrated on May 19, 2023 in way of a celebration of life barbeque for all to attend, to coincide with what would have been his 70th birthday. Any contributions can be made to the Grand Rapids Historical Society or through paying it forward to your community in any way you see fit.

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